Romney

Mitt Romney seems like such a nice guy, I’d like to be his friend.  He probably has his neighbors over for cookouts, which I’d like.  Maybe he’d let me swim in his pool. 

He’s good-looking, easy on the eyes and has a pleasant voice.  Perhaps he sings in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.   He always looks well-put together in his Brooks Brothers clothes, unlike Rick Perry who always looks bacon-grease-slick in his more expensive, perfectly tailored suits.  Perry looks like a televangelist on a healing streak.

Gingrich 

He walks like an old man.  Actually, he doesn’t walk; he waddles at a slow pace, from side to side.  The only other candidate approaching Newt’s circumference is Rick Santorum, who is otherwise presentable.  Santorum looks like a robber-baron who should have a cigar in his mouth.  Newt just looks like a robber.  He probably stole the tacky suit he’s wearing, but why would he?

Others tomorrow